Will I Must

Will-ing. After hearing the Word preached today I understand more the greatness of the grace that the Father so lavishly bestows us. With struggling and wrestling I have chaffed against these child bearing, child rearing days. I have fought urges to run and hide. To give carelessly to the wind that load that weighs down heavily day after day. To give up and into the flesh's way of casting responsibility and relinquishing duties. I realize now that it is God's grace that has kept me here. Allowing me to see enough of the goodness in the haystack of chores and children and husband, that I awake another day with purpose of this. The good life that is desperate to finish well.

2 Corinthians 8:12 For if the readiness is there, it is acceptable according to what a person has, not according to what he does not have.

I am ready for more.I am open will, full with desire of a responsibility I have yet to taste.

Matthew 20:6-7 And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing. And he said to them, 'Why do you stand here idle all day?' They said to him, 'Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, 'You go into the vineyard too.'

I am thankful that at His appointed time he will allow me a new work that He will fill me for. Whatever may come I can trust that it is His time. He will come to the vineyard of my life and call me to the task. I trust the Father's timing. I trust Him.

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."

In my battles of mind and spirit I release a toxin of self that is a permeating stench to the people I love. The thing I long to do I do not do! Anger rises up. I will to look. I desire grace. I speak for God to show me. "Long before he drew a woman to a well he drew the well to the woman."  I am the woman in need of a drink deep. I see that wellspring of life, but I look away and steamroll with bitterness built up. I long for grace and peace to fill me. But I willed not to go to the well. Is not that what the Father desires most? The will-ing heart? The will-ing self. I must will to see. Then I must will to respond. His promise says that He has laid a way for me to walk in much good. The grace is there for it all to be good. I must bend my will to this grace. Walk low, see the path. Walk high in self and leave frustration unchecked. I am thankful you are teaching me these things. I see you here. In sweet frozen deliciousness and the warm fall wind. I know your here. I am thankful that you are here. Even when I choose not to respond. Forgiveness washes over me. Amazing grace.