Affectionate Hold

My heart has wandered in the dessert. 

Hungry and thirsty. Alone in the wasteland with cracked lips and dry eyes.

Wandering and wandering, looking to be satisfied by my own hand.

He came and led me, straight out. 

My heart has sat in the darkness of prison.

On the cold floor in the dark shadows. Irons holding me down in the dust.

Working hard, stumbling hard, to prove my own way.

He came and led me, chain free into the light.

My heart has been a crazy fool, partying it up on the street.

Starving to look good. Taking the pain for beauty sake.

Left alone to waste in my choices.

He came and led me, with daily bread and a stripped back.

My heart has sailed away to success and fame.

Climbing the ladders, receiving high praises. Feeling the thrill of something from nothing.

It crashed hard, No resources were left. Here today, gone tomorrow.

He came and led me, balanced  into the desired place.

Through it all Love is steady...even when I let go... Love, failed me not. 

"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and He delivered them out of their distress."

Psalm 107: 6,13, 19, and 28

"Let them thank the LORD for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man."

Psalm 107:8,15,21, and 31

Where is my heart today I must ask...

I will cry...

He will deliver...

I will give thanks...

His steadfast love fails me not.

Believe and Know

It is not enough to just believe in God.

I must know Him.

So much pain is all around. I have friends swelling with the uncomfortable blessings of child bearing, I have women in my circles with children needing restraint and education, I have sick family members, churches with bills to be paid, Christmas lists left unchecked because of the lack of resources, depressed loved ones, there are children dying, marriages suffering, older people are left alone for days, teenagers confused, and the eyes I see in the grocery are angry and hurting.

But a "God bless you!"
It stirs people. Even the Word says that He puts a longing for himself in the hearts of man.
Many have worked SO hard to rid our institutions, our communities, our homes, and our minds of God, but, let's be real...It has been work. It is so easy to prove God, but to disprove Him. That is work.

My child asked today how our bodies makes blood.
We talk about our heart pumping blood, but we don't think too much about our body producing it. And then to cover the topic of being formed in your mother's womb and having a blood type different from your mother... What a beautiful miracle.

He is so real.

I hope if you read this you will hear me. Don't let yourself for a moment lose out on the freedom in this life by just believing that God is real.
Commit to knowing Him.

"God is not a belief by which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimatly, meet everyday, one whose strength is your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life in the presence of God long enough and when someone asks, 'Do you believe in God?' you may find yourself answering, 'No, I do not believe there is a God, I know there is a God.'"
-Earnest Boyer, Jr.

Who Me?

Me.

A simple word.

A whole identity is behind that word. A real person. With thoughts, emotions, dreams, relationships, wounds, history, looks, clothes...

m e      .
That is how I would describe it. This frustration with a fragmented self. Desiring greatly to combine the letters and that dot at the end that brings forth the end  cap of security. But the truth is....I just don't feel it. I struggle with putting it all together in the light of Christ.

There are parts of me that I just don't want exposed. What stays in the dark does tend to get bigger there, but I don't think I want to face the pain of revealing it.

Like when I crawl out of the tunnel after looking for crayfish and the sun blinds my eyes. It is painful and I have to shield myself from the light. My eyes need time to adjust to the sun.

My heart needs time to adjust too. It is hard to face the different parts of our selves but true healing is when all the body, mind, soul, and strength come together in unity to worship in Spirit and in truth.
So I let the light shine in.
I invite the light to have it's way of exposing.
I trust the Light Himself. He is a shield about me.

Then the bliss comes. Sharing that fire tried gold with others. That precious sweet smellingness that perfumes of one centered and secure in the only One who can. I can now be a light that shines in dark places. Extending Grace. Extending Light.

That is
me.

Straining To Trust

So I fix my eyes on Christ. The Author and Perfecter of my faith.

This is how we make it through these hard days. We mentally take the yoke off and hang it right up on the cross. We toss it up high and allow the ring to catch on the end sticking west. We take the heavy burden of getting it all right and we lob it up onto the finished place. He who began a good work in me. Not me who began a good work in me...

I love that about the cross. I think of the wood protruding east and west. Reminding us that our sins are removed as far as the east is from the west. I am sick of carrying these sins all around. I feel them all up in me. I carry the yoke of the past around my neck and I pant under the weight and strain. I feel my neck and shoulders and back all tight. My breath doesn't come sometimes and I wonder when the work will be completed in me. I am ready to reveal a mature soul seasoned for the Father's use, but I am still in the fire and it is His timing when the work will be completed. I am not the Author of this faith.

I know He will make beauty from these ashes, because He said so. I know that I can reason to feel His love and compassion toward me, even if I don't. I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. And I know that what man intends for evil God intends for good. My heart doesn't seem to want to pay attention to those truths, though. I am thankful that the Author is working on that. He knows. He sees. I learn to trust.

Can Do

Echo of words...

"She has done what she could" Mark 14:8a

Some days we do our best, and some days we don't. Life is a juggle of a struggle to keep these days persevering in the direction of Christ's work that is being completed in us. Through what seems affliction and trial lately, I felt this whisper.

"My child, you are doing just fine. My love for you is great. Continue to walk in the shadow of My wing, and I will continue to show you a better way. I see you are doing what you can do."

I trembles at this.
The awesome Creator of the universe, My Heavenly Father, takes time to show me this love?
I am such a messed up, shamed up, too late, and a dollar short kind of woman, and He still whispers these sweet kindnesses to me?

I have been overwhelmed lately with Our Father's ability to orchestrate trials in the lives of individuals that criss-cross and bend to create lessons for everyone of us.

The scripture states He draws us with His loving kindness. I think I can see that. Allowing suffering and frustration to repeat itself in our lives again and again, until we can trust-fall back into His capable, strong Hands. My Father says He will hold me with His right hand. I want to be held. I need to feel the soul hold.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And when I wake to a new day
I pray I do what I may
To please the Father and the Son
To worship the Spirit three in One.

One Story

I am tearing down the walls that defensive mechanisms have made.
I trust in Christ to protect me and to bring justice.
I will no longer respond with damaging emotions knowing that Christ loves me, He have himself as a sacrifice for my damaged self and he will never abandon or reject me.

He is my Shepard and He will guide me.

I follow whole heartily.

I forgive every time.
I love every time.
I will raise my eyebrows with joy in the face of rejection or criticism knowing that Christ will use it for His glory when I do life His way.
I am no longer responsible for defending myself.
I trust Jesus Christ alone for my defense.


Matthew 6:32-34
For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I am not living to tell my story.

I am living to tell God's story.

For Now

Quiet is good.
Stillness is good.
Shutting down.
Turning off.
Being still.

Listening intently.
Boldly surveying.
Jesus is near.
His wisdom is here.

Balanced Me

A balanced life is a good life.

There is something in the life of many of us believers that I think can be learned through this practice of mind, body, and soul discipline. Balance.

There are many seasons of life.
Seasons of seasons....
For each of these we learn, change, and grow. My Most Gracious Heavenly Father is teaching me in this season to be balanced.

Balanced? A word that does not tickle my ears through conversation and study, but this word resonates in my soul, in the places of my mind that desire wholeness.

As I stand strong like a warrior I turn my palms up and I ask the Father to fill me with the weapons of self-control and forbearing that are needed to fight off the evil seeking to devour my whole family.
As I bend down with my forehead to the ground. I lay myself at the feet of Jesus to who I am a helpless child who needs guidance, direction, and love.
At last I lay face down, nose to the mat. I am spent and relieved, and I realize I am in the best place of all. Prostrate before the King on the throne. I get down lowest and life Him up highest.

Jesus walked our planet the most prefect person. The most balanced in the flesh. A time to laugh a time to morn. A time to dance and a time to be still. A time for miracles and a time to walk away. A time to embrace, and a time to turn tables. A time to give in and a time to give up. A time to live and a time to die. A time to give up to flesh, and a time to conquer over it.

Thank you Jesus for your gifts of  love to me. Thank you for your perfect model of what to do and who to be. I pray you would continue to make-over my heart, mind, soul, and body so that more and more I will act, sound, and be like you. Thank you for Your gift of salvation to me.

Strong Story

I am not living to tell my story
I am living to tell Jesus's story.

Being on this healing journey of life with Christ certainly has it's up and downs for us all, doesn't it? Just when I think I know myself and my weaknesses, my Great Shepard reigns me in and reveals truth. He is so kind and gentle, and yet my resistance makes it pretty messy.

I have come to realize that my defenses are the enemy's toeholds.

The emotions that well up and the responses that boil at the surface, they wait to betray myself and the ones I love. Often it is these past puss pockets left unchecked in our hearts, that leave the biggest stink on our testimony to the ones we love. How many times when I sense rejection or criticism, I pull up my weaponry of anger, justice, and unforgiveness? I ready myself for a battle when there is not one to be had.

Where simple honesty and understanding in a five minute conversation would go a long way, my mind reals out of control too long, because I do not choose to trust the One who is in control.

So today I end these responses, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I serve the Ultimate Stronghold. He is My Provider and My Shield about me. He is using the fabric of my life to weave His story for all to see. He is The Sovereign One who has created me and has far more invested than what I am worth. To put myself in His trust for whatever may come and whatever I may face, is a good thing. It is the logical thing.

Not only can I trust Him with myself, I can trust Him with my husband, and with my children.
I will trust Him too.

I will trust and let the grace of Christ's blood shed for me wash over my sin and stain. I will let it wash me clean from the filth and stench of what this world has offered me thus far. I will walk on from here, clothing myself with quiet strength, grace, and truth. I will have no fear for God is with me. My great Shepard, My heavenly Father, He is leading, protecting, and Guiding me home.

He who the Son sets free is free indeed!

Fear Removed

Did you know you are One breath away from victory? I am going to share with you a secret about me that I have found rather embarrassing, considering I am married to a strong man who spends his days up in the air as far as 120 feet!

I am was deathly afraid of heights.

I almost left out the word was, but I cannot tell a lie. So...I will tell you the truth!

A few days ago my strong leader and our 4 older charges had the excitement of attending the county fair without the stroller to attend. (Thanks Grandma!!)  Our amazing Man In Charge, is aka Ride Guy. So off we went with me looking forward to the stand and wave post outside the fenced in areas.

Happy Heart who is 5 came running back to me with her chin tucked, feeling rejected that she missed the mark. Man in Charge smiled at me feeling bad for her and encouraged me to take her on something else.

I got down at face level to her and asked if there was another ride that she would like to ride. Her eyebrows raised and she grabbed my hand. Then....she pointed to the Ferris wheel!

To give you a little heads up, my fear was so great, that at high heights I felt the urge to jump off or out. At the age of seven, My father hog tied me with his arms while I was carried off of the water slide in the Adirondacks because him and I both new I was ready to jump rather than continue to be so high.

As we got our seats Happy Heart and I chatting about how Jesus is with us wherever we are. Up high or down low. Then as it started to ride, I started to panic and shake. My little dear chattered away about things while I was working through every possible means of getting that guys attention so I could get off! Then I looked ahead.

Where does my help come from? From the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth. I cried out in my heart, "Jesus my lover, My friend, please come near to me and remove this fear. You are with me in the sky as much as you are with me on the ground." His presence filled me immediately and the shaking stopped! The best part...it was so beautiful to be up so high. We could see parts of the valley. We would come near to the people and then draw away to the heavens, again and again.

Oh how I laughed with my sweet trusting girl at my side!  I am so thankful that Jesus comes skipping and leaping over life's jagged edges. Never letting a foot slip or stumble. My Great Shepard guiding and seeking, loving and caring.

All for His Glory!

Vent Not

I have come to a conclusion that has changed my daily life and I cannot wait to share. I learned this some tome ago, but was giving the truth some time to prove itself before I shouted it from the mountain tops. I am completely impressed the with peace that it has brought to my life and the calmness that is maintained in my heart because of it.

Venting is for fools.

It may surprise you. This boldness and this thought that is contrary to all schools of psychology being taught in every level of our American institutions. We should not be spilling our everyday, issue packed cans of frustration beans.

There is a time for sharing. When feelings get out of control, perspective is good. When things in life aren't moving forward, that is what the church body is for. I am more focusing toward the negative everyday things that pop up, and we face them with either a cup half empty or a cup half full attitude. And let us see that the half full mentality is much more Christ like. Do not the scriptures ring loudly that with God all things are possible? There is no excuse with heaven so near to get discouraged. The reality is though, we do.

That is where our savior meets us once again, in that quiet place, down low. We let our vent flare out in the Savior's presence alone. Why is that the best way?

Jesus is not partial, He is not judgmental
Jesus doesn't take sides, He is the fairest of fair.
Jesus has perfect love, and He shares.

Jesus is the only perfect physician who can remove the lump in my throat, the pain in my chest, and the pit in my stomach. He relaxes my muscles and removes the heavy load and replaces it with His yoke that is easy and light.

So there it is. My time tested reality. Taste and see that He is good. And faithful!

"A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."  Proverbs 29:11

Working Grace

There is a time in our walk when the rubber meets the road.

All the prayer, all the teaching, all the studying, all the seeking....then that one call comes. The hardest thing that God could call me to do...and I do it.

Sometimes it is fun serving the Lord, sometimes the reward is greater than anything we could predict, but sometimes...

Sometimes we just do it. Through weariness, through sadness, through kindness, and most of all because of love.

We do it.

Then in a moment the Miracle happens. The burden is lifted. The freedom comes to live life that is not my way.

A life not led by my selfishness, by my needs, by my wants. Oh sweet freedom. Freedom to love. Freedom to serve.

Oh kneel me down again
Here at your feet
Show me how much you love humility
Oh spirit be the star
That leads me to
A humble heart of Love that I see in you.

Pending Debt

Jesus return is coming. What will I be found doing? I have not led any sheep to the Shepard this summer.

I have rejoiced in Christ victory over sin in my life, but I have not shared the message of hope with a lost soul.

I have enjoyed beautiful summer days and the creation of the one who sees my innermost ugliness and makes me new, but I have not seen the transformation of a heart turned to Christ for the first time.

We are in debt to those who have not heard. Who am I that He would call me out of this pit? Who am I that I keep it to myself not wanting to offend that pretty lady in the parking lot and that mom who already thinks I am too religious because I don't swear or let my kids play soccer during the hours of fellowship on Sundays?

Jesus paid it all and I won't even deposit my pride! 

Today is a new day.

A new time. Jesus is coming on the horizon. Time goes by so fast. Our kids grow up in the blink of an eye. I am like dust coming from it and returning to it.

Today is a new day.

Father make bold your children to bring life to the dry bones we encounter. Help us understand that hurting people hurt people. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear the needs and brokenness around us. Fill us with your Spirit that we will speak your truth and life in love to those around us who desperately need the message of your salvation today. All for the glory to The One who sits on the throne.

Bring a lost sheep into the fold through me today Lord.

Who is Like God?
No One

No Haste, No Waste

Rise.
Pray.
Wash.
Drink.
Feed.
Weed.
Feed.
Read.
Wash.
Feed.
Order.
Rest.

Over and over the days unfold. Work to be done. The period following the word only represents the change in the task at hand.

The life is in the spaces. The space after the letters. The long spaces after the words.

These are the spaces filled by relationships and experience. Don't be so ready to read the next word that you miss seeing what can be accomplished not by this task, but through the task. And the people around you? They are more important than even the reading.

Jesus understood these things. Haste makes waste. Never rushing and accomplishing much. 

Worship Free

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive and to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Freedom comes when the vessel is washed and clean. When the Holy Spirit can be poured in and poured out simultaneously. Not having to be held up by blemishes as selfish desires and prideful intentions.

One thought let rampant in the mind of the most devout believer can lead them to be shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean of life. Suffering from hypothermia with nothing to cling to save the life jacket of salvation that will never be taken from them.

I believe that the life of the believer is not lived within the confines of the day. It is lived in the confines of the moment. The thoughts, the words, and the actions all conforming together to make up a life.

This is not  hopeless thing friend. I write these words out of victory! This victory I am celebrating today. Nothing of my own doing, but Christ's working out his good, pleasing, and perfect will in me. That He is also working out in you this very moment!

In reading the book of Ezra, I see the hard labor these men poured out to restore the house of worship to their God. How much was given by all to rebuild. The cost was great. People around them continually tried to deter God's work from being done. therefor the people continued to succeed. We serve the same God today.

If you have given yourself completely over to God then he is working out His pleasing will in you. I am realizing that most of the pitfalls that I find myself miserably in, are part of the work that God is doing to to restore the temple of my life so that I will worship him in obedience, lacking in nothing that we need to please Him.

Just has he made a way in the time of Ezra for the people to have opportunity to worship and adore him, in spite of their waywardness and disobedience, through repentance and humility, He promises to restore that same foundation to us.

Praise the Name of the Lord!

Thanks For All

God is our Portion.

I think of the hungry children sitting around the table in the "The Christmas Carol". These children were hungry and waited expectantly to share in the most plentiful feast their young eyes had yet to see. Each one waiting their turn to say thank you for their portion.

I wonder is this is the concept that God is guarding us against when he gave the 10th commandments to not want what other people have. If it is true, and I believe that it is, that He purposefully put us in the lives we are in, surrounded by the people that we are, and given the tasks that we daily do, then of course God, in His Godliness, would be disappointed with our dissatisfaction.

The scriptures says the word thanks over 130 times. I think before sin there was a lot of if going on. Perhaps we are meant to be thank-full be-ings?

There are so many things in life that I should give thanks for. Things that I take for granted, and things I think I deserve. I deserve nothing.

Recently I found myself in a situation that had me down right broken. Now that the storm has passed, I see the devastation in it's wake. I am full of hope though. Rebuilding with the God given provisions is very exciting! I also see though, that I was not thankful for what I had before.

Sometimes it takes losing something before we realize how good it is.

And this is why God is the perfect One to portion.
He is the God who knows.
He is the God who sees.
And oh how He loves us!

Family Matters II

And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her,says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” Malachi 2:13-16

When did we become to lax on the things that God cares so deeply about? Us women, as a whole, especially in the Western hemipshere, have become out of control in our thinking. We must go back to the creation story and find the place we belong.

I see so many women. We are tired, coffeed up, and we are even taking medications to survive. We take stimulants in the morning, anti-depressents during the day, birthcontrol to control the fun and sleeping pills at night.

Could it be the result of our etreme thinking, of how important we are,is polluting our minds and corrupting our flesh. It is what goes in a man that corrupts him. It is not what comes out.

He makes all things new. He wants to restore your family. Give him yourself and turn to Him. He says if we turn He will forgive us our sins and heal our land.

I am so thankful for his mercies that are new everyday.

Join me, friend, as we bring up our children in a way that glorifies the father, becuase He loves the children.

Wordly Wise

Oh that in my honesty I will spare you pain and frustration! That you will not see words or read mindlessly, but the same Spirit that has convicted me will touch your heart and bring a response to your mind that will change us more and more into the perfect image of Christ.

Venting perpetuates negativity.
Negativity perpetuates pitiful thinking
Pitiful thinking perpetuates lies
Lies perpetuate sinful living
Sinful living perpetuates sickness
Sickness perpetuates isolation
Isolation perpetuates rejection
Rejection perpetuates unbelief
Unbelief perpetuates eternity apart from God.

And every which way. Life and death are in the tongue. We women like to run around all day like chickens. scratching in the dirt, bawking our complaints, and occasionally pecking one another. So sad. Not to say that  there is not wrong around us. Of course the people around us are making a mess of things, ruining things, and hurting us.

Jesus was probably laughing when he spoke of taking the plank our of your own eye before bringing attention to the splinter in your neighbors. It probably seemed foolish to the King of Kings, and to us we hardly get it.

So today let our mouths be for the building us.

No sarcasm.
No backtalk.
No manipulation.
No venting.

Do you know my sister?...When we are talking along?...We approach that one statment and the flutter in back of your mind reveals to you that you should dispose of these words before you speak them?

Put them in the disposal.
Enjoy the watermelon. Dispose of the rind.

Let us not only guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Let us make a cry of repentance to the most gracious Father in Heaven who will remove our sins as the east is from the west, and guard our words in Him too.

There is always forgiveness of sins. Repentance comes before healing.

Taming Tongue

The power of life and death are in the tongue.

The power to grow and feed and the power to kill and mutilate.

Like a ship's rudder, who's direction is decided for the whole ship, so it the direction that the words of the tongue take us.

"Watch your thoughts because they become words.
Watch your words because they become actions.
Watch your actions because they become habits.
Watch your actions because they become character.
Watch your character because it becomes your destiny."

This unknown poet was a wise person. We must guard our thinking. If ever a thought comes into our minds that is not for the building up, restoration, encouragement, or correction spoken in love for another soul, let us throw it away before it becomes who we are.

Let me repent friend, I have walked a road that has led to almost complete distruction because of my tongue.  I have bought lies from the evil one. Lies that say it is good to vent, you should just say what you feel, and that as long as you are honest, even if you are hurting others, it is ok. It is NOT ok. We can not think for a moment that we can say whatever we want and that it is the listeners responsibility to sort it out. Ladies, if we need to process information out loud, let us commit to our Heavenly Father to be our sorter. He is the only one with perfect love for both you and your offender to sort out the hurts, frustration, memories, and the words spoken.

Let us do good today in controlling our tongues. Let us commit to the Father and to each other, to hold fast to the commands given to us in God's Word. James is wonderfully clear in how we should conduct ourselves in response to what we say.

Trust me, you will be surprised at the Father's love that will be lavished upon you through your obedience to Him. He hold's back like a Father. His desire is lavish us with Good things. He who faithful in little will be faithful with much.

Let us be faithful, through the power of the Holy Spirit, in taming our tongues. Let us adorn our conversations. Not with flattery and meaningless words, and certainly not negativity and harshness. Let's together choose positive words, loving words, and when there is nothing to say? Smile!

Ready Rejoinder

Response is everything!

To be honest I have a hard time chewing that one too. I mean really? Every time?
Yes! Sir! eee!

I have been a mom for a good chunk of years now. I have yet to have plenty of wisdom under my belt. And it never ceases to amaze me. I think I am ready. I feel like I can handle it. I got a good night sleep, and my diet has been pretty good. I even had a walk today...everything is in order, and still...

Bam! Horrible response. Fellow servant down with broken heart.

God knows my heart. How desperate I am to be renewed and to shed those old companions that rise up and visit when I least expect them. It just doesn't seem right, and the reality is it is not. It is my responsibility. I am hurting people. It is my blame and my tongue that let my Jesus Christ to death.

I am always surprised at myself when it isn't the kids that bring those cobweb covered nasties out of me. It is adults.

I see why God said do not hinder the little ones and let them come unto me. My little cherubs, so full of grace and so much fun. When I love them they become all cookies and cream, and when the world starts taking me away from them for all the "good" things that need to be done, a lot like how the disciples were holding back the little ones because they thought the adults were better. I am sad to say when I separate from my little ones, they do quickly become like sour grapes. It is true. Even church can undo the fellowship and discipleship within the family by using time and separating us out.

Guard your heart, guard your mind, and guard your family.

The father is so loving in giving us these lessons. He does not leave us behind, but like a perfect loving parent he nudges us on to following Him. All things are possible with Christ. We won't be done until He calls us home, and for the better of the ones following in my footsteps, I will...

Trust and obey
For there is no other way
To be happy in Jesus
Than to trust and obey

Reticent Companion

When times are so hard and we we run to others, we are running away from God.

"Be still and know that I am God" The scripture states clearly. There is a time for everything, and I think in this day in history, more than ever, silence has to be so very intentional.  When I get quiet, even the things that were quiet before become loud.

Ever notice that? The background radio that you could hardly hear becomes annoyingly loud when lying on the couch in the afternoon.  The Dishwasher during prayer becomes an annoying drumming. The cars going by seem obtrusive during a snuggled reading with the children. Quiet doesn't come easy.

Even Elisha, chosen priest, stole away from all of civilization. God sent many magnificent sights for him to behold from the mouth of the cave, but remember when God showed himself?
In the stillness.

Then when He speaks I sit in awe. When the time comes I rise and I go out bearing more of His name than I did the time before. Amen for the simplicity of how God chooses to meet us.

God is more concerned in doing a work in you than He is about doing a work through you.

Family Consanguinity

Some weeks are just like this. 
They can be referred to as doormat weeks. Not in the sense doormat mans that people aren't appreciating you, I am using the term in more of a welcoming mat. Maybe this is a bad analogy, but until I can come up with a better one it will have to do. All people under the roof needing to shake off the daily grim from living in this decomposing world.


I have been pondering the role of the family. What it was established for, what it's purpose is, and what the relationships inside of it should look like. Of course with every family it is different. It is a shame when we see only the good and others and put unneeded stress and expectation on our own loved ones. When I see that in m I am disgusted.


Also, the one thing that keeps creeping into my thinking, is how much is my perception of all that God has showed me and all that I read in His word is tainted by my knowledge, education, and experience. My family, culture, and friendships have all blended together to create what it is I think I know now. 


That my friend is why I believe that we must be still and know that He is God. In those moments where all is quiet and I am with our Father, I sense a clearing of my mind. In those moments His holiness is revealed and I can see the true reality of His establishment. 


Let us face it. Everyone wants to give their account of what the Bible has to say. Books on parenting, e-books on fasting, Literature on prayer, and the list goes on.


I have repented to a friend recently that my mentors are books. That must be sad to the Father. Can you imagine Jesus with the disciples? "Study the first chapter and I will meet you on Thursday to discuss." Weird! He could not have the full impact on them meeting once a week and him talking with no room for the disciples to respond. He kept them so close. They learned in moments when they didn't know they were being taught.


And this is where my thoughts on the family come together. Daily-ness. Walking out life everyday after day. Talking and seeing. Challenging and responding. Taking in and processing. Mother and Father, the two godly perspectives coming together to provide a whole picture. Children tendered and nurtured following behind in the grassy, narrow trail, being warned of dangers, encouraged to look up, and not miss the beautiful.


The family is where the relationship begins.
Consanguinity

Mustering Complaints

I have pondered the preaching today.
Habakkak
As a witty elder of our church would say, "in the crispy pages."

Habakkak, who name meaning seems insignificant, gets to the end of his rope. In a very adult like temper tantrum sort of way he pours his complaint at God and urges The Father to DO SOMETHING!!! In response the Lord says something to to effect of hang on there buddy. Check out what is going around you. Do you think for a moment that I don't have it all under control?

Habakkak is in his preistly position. Apointed by God to lead people, he seems to dicide that perhaps it is his turn to lead God. His respone includes (vs 13),  "Why do you idly look at traitors and remain silent when the wicked swallows up the man more righteous than he?" He continues on, and ends with the statement that says God can say what he wants, but Habakkak? His answer will again be referenced to Habbakak's complaint. Feel free to read the short book for the rest of the story.

Hmmm....

I see that how Habkkak, who i will not call H, is like....me. How often am I formulating answers to my own situations instead of listening intently for the voice of God?

I think some would believe it to be wrong to think that H's honesty and persistance to God is a bad thing. I don't agree.

 Jesus himself said that knock and the door shall be opened. He reminded us of the man who needed the bread in the night. The man persisted until the neighbor came to the door and shared the provisions that were needed. God does not mind redundantcy at all. Our dependence on Him alone to meet our deepest needs, results in His glory and that is what is best for everyone. After all He is our Daily Bread. Many of lifes hardest situtaions are lived out over many, many days. And it is everyday we must eat the bread of our dependence on Him and drink the cup that washes away the stress and strain of what we face in this world.

I actually went and got my hair cut a few days ago. A classy place with a down to earth lady that did a great job on my untamed locks. While we talked she shared the struggles of her Father's health. The next chair over the two women shared stories of one's favorite aunt and the other's young sisiter-in-law with three children struggling with aggressive cancers. Two chairs over a friend was there for a wekly appointment mainly to encourage the stylist, as she is going through a very messy divorce. All this pain.

I sat there with scriptures twirling in my head and with nothing to say that would make any sense. I was praying for wisdom, when the woman next to me said something to the effect of, "I just don't get it. With all the drug dealers and mean people out there why don't they get these life threatening problems."

I just kept thinking about the ruler of this world. Glad to to have the power in the life of the wounded and the life of the bitter. Then the Holy Spirit gave me words and boldness.

"I think that is why when Jesus introduced the Holy Spirit to us He called him the Great Comforter. He knew that this life would try to knock us down to death and we would need a comforter to give us hope. We are never alone in any situaution."

And He persisted just as we do. He was filled with comfort and Hope just like the Lord Jesus Christ promises for us.

Friend, don't give up. The joy comes in the morning. Sometimes the nights last so long, but we don't stand on the sinking sand of what we can muster. We stand on the Solid Rock of who He is and the promises that He so generously recorded for us in His word. He's with you right now.

Hosting Hurting

As believers we are bestowed many gifts.


These are not the gifts as we in the western world may think. Our minds have been warped with making lists for Santa and our working Grandma's never ending question of what we would like for our birthday.


No these gifts come from the Throne of grace to our inmost parts and it is our job to find them within and act them out.


I have been thinking a bit about the gifts. We as believers like to put a lot of emphasis on the certain things of the Spirit. We like topical approaches to gifts. I wonder if we make the the focus too much. The Bible says that we are filled with the Holy spirit to accomplish every good work that he has prepared for us to walk in. It also says that unto some there are certain gifts and unto others there are others and it is our job to act in those gifts. Also, because of the Holy Spirit in us, we can be whatever the person in front of us needs us to be. This is the truest gifts of the Spirit I believe. The ability that the faith filled believer has to rise to any occasion that is presented! What joy and freedom to love and serve in any capacity or challenge!


It also says of some gifts that we should all be acting in them. 


Hospitality.
This one is different. I believe we as a church say we are doing this one well. Let me encourage us friend. Who are we hosting? To be like Christ the scripture reveals that we host those who can't return the favor.


A single mom burned out, no family to rely on, and children to tend to.
This is who Christ would invite.
An old man walking around town to earn extra cash for the cable bill and another pack of smokes.
This is who Christ would invite.
An untrusting, disconnected child on the t-ball field who squirms out of a loving embrace
This is who Christ would serve.


Help me Lord to not take the easy way. Many are needing Your loving care. Help me not to continue to look to the comfortable who will entertain me in return for my own fun. Give me eyes to see those around me who need the invitation, connection, and fellowship that my home can provide.

True Worship

Worship.

We worship in Spirit.
The Great Comforter filling of hearts and minds with the ability to give glory to the One who preceded all things, created all things, and will finish the work that He began.

We worship in Truth.
Truth of who He is. The truth of Who we are. The truth of our circumstance, the truth of our obedience, the Truth in the one's  in relationship with us, and the truth of our honesty toward them. That is a lot of truth.

These are the things that worship is made of.

We give a cup of water to a child.
Worship.
We give an old man a raking job for too much money.
Worship.
We have a couple of tired moms with a bunch of kids over knowing the house will be destroyed.
Worship.
We let go of the things we value most for the sake of others.
Worship.
We lay down our biggest dreams.
Worship.

I notice something here. There has to be one thing that I lay down to bring the truest worship. ME. My pride, my expectations, and my desires. I lay it all down.

There is One who laid it down before us. For the sake of our eternity and salvation, He laid every single bit of himself down. Knowing full well is would cost him. I am seeing what it is going to cost. Everything.

Have no fear child, He will never leave you or forsake you. He who is in you is much much much greater than he who is in the world. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it in you.

Covering Shame

He who has been forgiven much loves much.

Luke 7:46-48
You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

I can't wait to meet this woman. I love her already. Sometimes I see sense people get a little uncomfortable with this idea. I mean can you imagine? Having dinner at the neighbors, and sharing conversation with people that people know and all of a sudden...that woman...you know that one? She is on the floor. This beautiful aroma goes up all about you and you look into every eye around you searching for what is going on here! 

True worship. That is what went on there. Forgiveness covering shame. That is what went on there.

So we go back to the one who has been forgiven much loves much.

The one who has not been heard and hurts hears better?

The one who has been looked over and over sees more?

The one who has been abandoned has the potential to become the greatest companion?

I wonder.

The way of the Christ love in the world is not what comes natural to us. 

The LORD works in mysterious ways His wonders to preform.

No one can predict the ways of God in the life of his child. 

We let go and let God.

We trust and we hold fast.

We praise him now.

We will praise him tomorrow.

His will be done.

Throwing Towels

Throw in the towel.

Although this saying originated in boxing, it rings loud and clear for many a circumstance. After watching their star player being beaten by the opponent, the teams mates could throw in the white towel of surrender as a last effort to keep their opponent from knock out or possible death. Back in 1913, when this saying became popular, there wasn't the hype of rules and fairness in the sport that we have now. There was respect in spite of that, at least enough to give way to the white towel being tossed into the ring.

I hear of many people these days wanting to throw in the towel. I believe that all of us come to a place sometime, somewhere where the surrender alarm goes off.  In our hearts realize we cannot keep these heavy gloves, the facets of life, in the air any longer. Some of us have more of these days than others.

Why?

Partly because of the choices we have made, partly because of the choices others have made, and I believe partly because that is where God needs us to be to get our attention. And truly, it is most likely all of those things combined. Then why is it, that out of all the issues we face, knowing that Jesus made a way for us to access heaven, and we have everything we need, do we  struggle with this plight?

The temptation to throw in the towel.

I like to think of Jesus as my hero on a white horse. The rainbow mane flowing as his hooves clomp steadily as he approaches my in my mess. He is here. To my rescue!

But that is not how the war is, down in this world. That is the scene of heaven. His example for us here is truth, suffering, boldness of obedience, and rejection. A poor dressed man on a donkey. These are the things we follow after him in. In giving up our rights to greatness. We too, lay it down.

We don't throw in the towel for the sake of given up. We place our surrender towel in the hands of the referee, knowing that he knows best the match and skill of the fighters. He sees how much we can handle. The whole duration that we are living in the ring of days here, he never leaves us alone. He is there to call a time out, telling when to let the play continue, or to call the match to an end.

The winner has been declared.

And it is not me. I must understand this to my soul. My part of any plunder is decided by the winner alone. Jesus Christ. The only One who holds the title belt to Heaven and Hades.

I may seem defeated, but when I come to the end of myself? That is where the release comes. The invasion of the kingdom of heaven into my life.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Well Water

In my keeps rolling around and around.

"He drew the well to the woman before He drew the woman to the well. "

-Ann Vanskomp

I think of Hagar in her loneliness crying out in the dessert. Listening and seeing her child crying out in hunger and loneliness. Her son's emotions untethered and her resolve failing. 

Blessed are the brokenhearted for their's is the kingdom of heaven. A kingdom of miracles and complete restoration. 

I think of the woman at the well. The woman who had five husbands and was living with the one who was not her husband. 

The woman who received complete love and a kind rebuke that set her free.

And both received a well. Both were given living water. What was it that God responded to so amazingly?

Was it desperation? Was it loneliness? Was it a cry that they gave in the night for help from the Living God?

I think maybe there is something on the brink here to be discovered. The secret of drawing living water from the well. The moment by moment meeting in the place where thirsty soul meets love poured out. The drink that refreshes mind, body, and soul so that responses are full of grace and other's are loved as oneself.

Hmm...The Living Well.

Let God

I want to hold on!

 I gave so much for you to let it go.

I want it to belong to just me.

Trust me, I created it to glorify me.

I know what to do, I trusted you.

I am not finished. 

Nothing is going right

I work all things together for good.

How can I trust you?

Come to me, lay it down.

You want it?

I want you, I love you. I created you to love you.

You did lay down your love for me.

Now lay your issues down for Me.

You will see My glory revealed.

I have called you for My Namesake.

And you can trust My Name.

El-Shaddai.

(God Almighty)

Drawing Light

Did you ever wonder why when we we are in the dark and we see the tiniest light that we look to the light?

I think I might know...

Did you ever as a child lay in the dark room and stare at the light that could be seen from where you lay? Did you stare until you couldn't see any more? Did you close your eyes and watch the colors dance behind your eyelids?

I remember doing that.

Today I heard two stories of two men. 

The first man has separated from his second wife. He has chalked the failure up to the many mistakes. I believe that in his pain of it all he shares all the reasons why it is probably better. This way of anger, isolation, and frustration. How unmet needs make excuses for life that embraces sin. 

The second man shares a story very similar to the first. His first marriage has come to separation. Children caught in a tug of war between expectation and parental rights. but this story has a taken a turn. A man with many responsibilities of his own has chiseled hours out of his life. Even to the wee hours of the night,  he comes to the house of the man with the breaking family and shares bits of his own story. 

Stories of hardships in his marriage. Stories of imperfect children. Stories of hard jobs. 

And the best story of all.

The Better Way.

Somewhere in telling his own stories and The Father's story a man gets a glimpse into the hurt of his family.

Somewhere in sharing the pain of rejection and frustration a man lays aside himself and dates his wife.

Somewhere in the darkness a friend was a light to a man lost.

A family saved.

We are the light of the world. We are to be a city on a hill. A lamp that is not put out. 

 My dear friend, the light is in you. Do not be afraid to let it shine.

We are created to be drawn to the light.

Thorny Glory

Not to long ago a dear friend and I were marveling at the muddied, stench pits that are left behind us in this journey after Christ. Everyday we walk along these roads. With The lamp at our feet and The Light in our path. when going through stuff we feel it, we hurt, we stink, and we just know that being around others is not a good thing. And that got me thinking.

Why do we think that we can only be out when we have it all together. When all our "ducks are in a row" so to speak? Because of our own judging others when there ducks are scattered? Maybe we have heard the whispers and been glad that we are not that person....then all of a sudden...we are! Right there on the walk with God we ignore The Shepard and fall head first down the bank. Hmmm. Or maybe he leads us, because he knows how stubborn we are, into something we have to go through. We may have to go through the thorns so that we know not to go through the thorns?

But friend, the Shepard is still with us, even among the thorns. He is at the bottom of the bank stretching his staff out long to pull us to his company. He will never leave us or forsake us. Darkness is the absence of light. There is no place where you can go that is too dark to distinguish The Light within you.

This friend shared with me something she heard from someone.(be sure to quote the author in comments if you know who it is and I will add it) She said, "Judging someone by where they are at today is like judging the artwork while the artist is still holding the paintbrush."

He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. He who started a work will be faithful to complete it in you. God is still holding the paintbrush of our lives. Let us continue to ask Him to fill us with more of His Holy Spirit and the more beautiful the canvas of our lives will be. Filled with peace in our hearts and blessings to those around us.

Give Him glory
And ask him to help you to love you.
Loving yourself in a way that glorifies Him.

Quiet Direction

I lift my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
    who made the heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you does not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps you
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;
    the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from evil;
    he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
    your going out and coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121

When walking on a path in life that makes little sense, maybe all it takes is looking up.  Driving along the road He whispers "I lift my eyes to the hills... follow me..."

We drive. My invisible companion and I. Up winding roads where houses thin and the woods spread far. I find a clearing and rest. It is quiet except for the music of the evening. The life blended in all around of peepers and birds. Frogs and deer. All putting the last touched on their day.

They are there for the same reason. We belong. Our creator. His workmanship. All coming together for the glory of His name.

"O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!"
by Charles H. Gabriel

Maybe that is all it takes to find our way on these life trails sometimes.
Looking up for;
Quiet direction.

Shearing Pride

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
  but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Blessed is the one who fears the LORD always,
   but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity.
Proverbs 28:13-14

Let's be real. Real transparent. Like the shearing of wool of the sheep around, so does the Father shear off the expectations of His beloved.

May I have one expectation.
Jesus.
To know Him
To follow Him
To live for Him
To be like Him

May I lay aside the things of this world that so easily entangle me.
Focus.
The Cross.
The way to receive blessing from on high? I desperately need to continue to receive more of Him in order to live for Him.

For many days past I have thought about that woman...(Luke 7) in all her worldly worthlessness...doing the great glorious thing. Washing the feet of the One who embodied the good news...with her tears! The ones nearby pointed and scowled. Jesus rejoiced. She understood.

I understand sometimes.
We draw near. Admitting our sinful selves. We cry out in frustrated abandonment to the One Who Sees. He longs for these moments.

After all, He looked for just one to respond to save the whole city of Sodom.

And I feel His touch. His hand on my head, calming me and quieting me.
It is in His hands now.

I encourage you. Give it to Him. Lay it down.

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Lay my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am gentle and humble in heart. And you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden in light.
Matthew 11:28-29

Cultivating Children

But while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away. So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared also. And the servants of the master of the house came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have weeds?’
Matthew 13:25-27

Working in the yard today... Spring has sprung. The rains have come and continue to water everything back to green living. I carefully tended around the gardens. Being kind to the young sprouts and admiring the blossoms on the early plants. Again the Father shared a bit of Himself.

He is the God who Always Sees. I on the other hand...don't

While he watches the gardens in all there seasons, I am busy doing other things. I focus on other matters in my life that need my attention too. I am not like the One Who Always sees.

My children's hearts are like that garden. All the good things sewn into them ready to spout. They are nourished and fed with the soil of God's word and the love that our home provides. But I look away sometimes...even to things good...and the unsuspecting evil is sewn.

I want to blame others...I have not done this...but that is not true. I have done good elsewhere, but I have to be on the watch. I have to prepare them for what is out there beyond my borders of care.

I want to uproot the whole garden and start over!! That is not possible whispers my Father. Also the Father to the cherubs in my care. He whispers to me to give their gardens over. Lay it down in prayer. Cultivate the soil ahead.

The best way to weed a garden is on your knees.

There is no better to way to cultivate the life of my children.

On my knees.

I say a prayer and pull those unwanted weeds. I find peace there where it is left behind. A pile of roots and green right where they belong. Out of the soil of my cherub's heart.

Hauling Hearts

Riding in the car with a family of seven for eight hours can bring surprises. It is so bonding. Little can be concealed and the slightest noise or smirk is noticed. If you are looking to find the truest of one self, take a car trip. A really long car trip. The smaller the car, the more the people, and the more will be revealed.

I have always thought with fondness that Jesus picked a few. He taught many, but he knew better than to spread himself thin. Did he choose them specifically? Or did He call them randomly knowing that He could reveal his glory through a donkey if need be. Certainly these men would do better than that! Wight? Well, one could hope. I am sure God could have used an animal instead of me sometimes. If only my were silenced automatically to corruptible talk. I pray that the Lord continues to have His way with my heart and my mouth. For it is out of the heart that the mouth speaks.

And Back to the car. A lot is said in a weekend of approximately 20 hours in the car. Some good some not good. I am so thankful for a Savior who leads us. He doesn't leave us in the pits were in. He draws us with Him loving kindness, places His righteousness in us, and continues to use and mold us until the day He perfects us.

That is love in the long haul form.

Illuminate

Sometimes....
Life just sucks the life right out of itself.

Like the when you flick on the switch by the door for the light to illuminate the room before realizing that whoever was there last pulled the cord on the light itself.
There is nothing left to do but grope your way around in the dark to you hopefully find it without breaking anything.

I grope in dark sometimes...
And the truth is I break people.
I move on too fast..busy with this life...looking for the light source in all the dark places.
I am reminded again as I wash the plate for the last time today...

Bow your knees and pray.
Plug in
I am reminded how sometimes...some relationships....in order to bring them out of the darkness....cost a lot.
Life currency. Winner gives all!

The truth is there is only one energy source.
There is only one who illuminates.

Plug in I must to be the light in relationships hurting and fading.
Press on through life with these disorienting days.

Jesus...Thank you for your focused life.
You lived like a servent
You died like a criminal
You share like a lover
You give like a parent
Jesus...I can't thank you enough
For revealing yourself to me.

Alluring Whisper

Sometimes there are lots of words going out
Sometimes the quiet whisper stirs within.

"Be like this child.
 Let My wonder at the simple fill you.
 Lay down your self
 Give way to trust
 My spirit will pour into you running over
 Be still in this washbowl of life
 I have cleansed you
 From all unrightousness.
 Allow Me to refine you
 Let Me show you beautiful."

Sometimes I breath out with a resting soul.
Sometimes it is that simple.

Eupnoea

After the long, cold winter the sun comes longer. The grass appears and the rains fall. The Father's perfect cycle. I think about things you know? How in the winter little dissipates except for the food storage. Things accumulate. Snow, pet poo in the yard, people's frustration, and fat. Then when you think that there will be no about-face the sun shines bright and all is revealed as the dingy, of-white snow melts off.

Then comes my favorite part. The warmth! Out go the carpets to shake and open go the windows. Air that was stuffy and stale turns fresh and sweet. The buds on the trees and the green grass give an aroma for spring that no one has yet to reproduce. Let's give The Creator some praise!

And that freshness! I feel it sometimes when I take to noticing.
After a time of wrestling and stubbornness. After a lack of reading God's Word and meeting with other believers. I become that stale air that makes you breath short and leaves your head spinning a bit.

Oh The freshness....The lace curtains in my heart blow with the spirit's breath bringing waves of hope and joy. Peace in my heart is ruffled like the papers left on the sill. And the whole space of my self becomes refreshed.

That is probably what happened to Thomas. (John 24) It wasn't that he was doubting on purpose. The disciples all gathered together in the upper room. Off alone with doors locked.(vs19) Secluding themselves from the world. Maybe at this point they are feeling understandably foolish?...

I wonder what drew Thomas away. Did he feel to busy to wait? Did he just want to think about something else and move on? Maybe it wasn't doubt that drew him away. Maybe it was hurting and loneliness of heart? Rejection? I couldn't imagine after knowing Jesus like I do now, having His relationship taken from me. Then knowing that only in death would I be with Him again. How discouraging the thought of life would be! At this point Thomas didn't know that the Holy Spirit would be given to keep the connection alive. Just thinking....

I know I act out of my hurts too often. Not trusting my maker to work out the details of my days, I respond with fleeing and seclusion. Maybe Thomas and I had more in common than just doubt. I am just thinking....

The saddest part is that whatever made him to separate himself from his eternal peeps made him to miss out on the greatest blessing.

The Fresh breath. The eupnoea that came from God alone. (vs.22)

This is the greatest of Thomas' news! That Jesus love for Thomas went beyond Thomas. This is why I think it wasn't just doubt. I think Jesus knew that Thomas was responding in doubt, but the root of it was his broken heart. How many times...I wonder...have I missed out on a great blessing because I secluded myself from others. Like a wounded animal retreating in private to lick my  bleeding, injured self. Self-pity is a very deceiving friend. It seems so innocent, but takes so much. I am sure I have missed out on those sweet breezes that stir and refresh the back corners of my heart, because I have said yes to that evil invitation.

Even the attic needs airing in the spring.

If you are in a soul winter hold on, dear friend, spring is coming.
If you are in a soul spring, hold on, dear friend, rejoice!
You know the way of seasons.
To every season there is a time...

Boldly Pause

Wherever you go, you are there.

Run fast. Run far. Drive farther. Work harder. Move to the next town. Change the scenery. Move the furniture. Call a friend and let it all out. Clamp the mouth shut and let the heart seethe. Take flight! Put up a fight. "Whatever you do," whispers my evil companion, "Don't give in. If you give in they will never let you live."

And the whisper comes....
"Come and rest here...come and lay your burdens down...come and rest here....Breathe in....breathe out...you will find it here...."    -Kari Jobe
He is here. The One who sees. The One who cares. The One who in spite of it all took it all on. I am filled with wonder. I place feet flat, and my knees bend down. How un-trusting I am in the only One who is trustworthy. Why do I give in to fear and words that belong only to the ruler of this world. Who, by the way, wants only my destruction!

The Loving, Kind Father over all, all around placing reminders to look up.

A puppy's kisses, children with kites flying, sun kissed faces and walks around a friendly town.

He is here with me. He is there with you. Let's not run anymore. Let's hold fast. We will hold on tight. We will listen well and respond without hesitation. Have your way Lord. Have your way!

2 Corinthians 3:11-13

For if what was being brought to an end came with glory, much more will what is permanent have glory. Since we have such a hope, we are very bold.

Friend~ Wherever we are, He is here!

Boxed Hope

Life just crushes down hard. Sometimes. The whisper of the Father comes softly. Often making no sense to my weary mind. I can feel my body fall hard down on the blanket in the sun. Frustration welling up inside. Opening The Word give a steadiness to my heart. I find the angry words dissipating on my tongue. I face forhead down into the blanket and cry out for relief. Sometimes I cry out for Jesus with skin on!

The car pulled in unnoticed to me and my mothering child runs fast! There is someone here to see you! My seasoned friend comes up the stairs with the one who smiles. She hands me a box filled with never ending hope and she kneels with me and my cherubs to share why it is important for us to be real. Father doesn't prefer to use a stuffed up fake.  My mind reeled! Really? I am thinking...No one wants this me that is ticked at unfairness,  injustice, and just plain sin! No one wants to hear how frustrated I am mostly with myself. No one wants to hear of the hurt dragging my heart down into the pit of my gut...

Then He is revealed. The One who sees. I tell my true friend...I just am sick of it being about me! I want to focus on helping others and doing good works! I don't want to think about me anymore! She reminds me it is about me. It is my own business I am to mind after all. It is God redeeming me and making me like Him that I can do anything of worth. I cry out I can't. And she says He can. I say but and she says hold on.

This friend I found listens and shares. I release words to the wind that make the yoke shed off and the eyebrows lift.Wow. That is what it feels like to have a Christ like friend. Someone obedient to God enough to come see me and pour healing balm on my wounds. How beautiful are the feet of Him that brings good news! I am thankful for a friend like that. I look forward to the Father using me to return the favor.

Personal Prison

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord,
“He is my refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 
Psalm 91: 1-3

I have been bound but now I am free!

I believe that prisons come in all shapes, spaces, sizes, and manifestations. Some can be sickness. Some can be relational, some can be mental attack, some can be just plain rebellion. Some can sneak up on you and close down hard. Some can be bound with painful memories and a wounded heart. Some can come with questions that don't make sense. Keep us from trusting enough to take that one step that would lead us out. Loneliness leaves the cell of our hearts feeling cold and icy. Loss can make the floor we kneel on seem rock hard and jagged. And bitterness...oh how it closes the ears and dulls the light to the way to freedom.

Joseph was in Prison. He was there on a false account. God was with him there. He brought him out of the lowest parts and made him a leader there. I think of how he brought Rahab out to. She was in her prison too. God reached in and saved her before crumbling those walls down. 

I love Him for His timing. He makes all things beautiful in His time. 

The frightening part for me is that even the places that seem the darkest, over time, can feel like home. 

Our Father in His faithfulness to us, thankfully, doesn't allow us to stay there. He reminds us this is not our home. He has gone and prepared a place for us. A place where there will be no darkness, and certainly not prison. Not prison of any shape or form.

In His time, In His time.

He makes all things beautiful in His time

Lord please show me everyday

As your teaching me your way

That you do just what you say

In your time

Thank You Father for sending your son. He set this captive free. Your timing is just right.

Breath Relief

"If you cannot find time to pray,

ask for forgiveness.

Ask to be cleansed of the sin

of having no time to pray...

It could be that Satan is pushing you

into too much work so that you

cannot take time to pray."

-Corrie Ten Boon

Yesterday I found complete depletion. Out of no where my mind spun and my heart sank. I sat and searched and called a friend. In the wise words of a seasoned woman I found my sin. I have not sought God in prayer. I have justified my lack of drawing near to God. I have been actively serving. I am meeting the needs of the kingdom. Then in repentance I sit down and open to Psalm 1. 

Blessed is the man...his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. 

I have been doing a lot of good things, and I found myself with a list of more things to do. Devastatingly for me, meditating on God's word had not even reached the list. Oh how truly sinful I am. God makes it so simple. How grateful I am he doesn't stockpile my faults and failures like I tend to do to others that I love. I pray that I learn this lesson. Blessed is the day when forgiveness comes to me like breathing. Without thought I sigh out my hurts to the wind. 

Praise the Name of Jesus who has taken away the wrongs of this world. May Your name be proclaimed loudly from my mouth and those of my children's children! Blessings on you today as you read this. Open God's word. Let it bless you!

Heart of Heaven

A letter from a dear friend.

What is your thoughts on Jesus statement that
"The kingdom of heaven is within you" ?

I believe that part of what he is saying is that everything in Heaven can be accessed. The power, the boldness, and the faith. When Jesus left and gave us His Holy Spirit he said that if he didn't leave we wouldn't have the power. The kingdom of heaven was near when Jesus was here. He said that. Then when he left, he sat down at the right hand of the Father to be our great high priest. In His great mercy He sent the Holy Spirit to us, so that His power (the Light) would be in us. The Holy Spirit fills us, leads us, shares Christ's love with us, and guides us. He is one with the Father and Jesus, and because the Spirit lives in us, we are then apart of that oneness. Therefore, even though we have not seen heaven with our eyes, we are a part of it. We are able to be filled by the Spirit and bring that same love and everything good that is in heaven to a world where it is not.

That is why the scripture describes us to be like Jars of clay. Emptying of our sinful selves and being made new into the image of Christ. We are filled with the Holy Spirit. We are Vessels of His mercy and Grace. That is why he doesn't like if when we treat each other poorly or judge one another. We are all made of the same clay and in His image. He is the only one who truly can see the inside of a person and He is the only on who can truly love them enough to judge their hearts.

Sometimes we have to say hard words to one another, because we don't want them to miss out on a blessing in their lives. Those words have to be born out of that heaven love. Bad habits or repeated bad choices are hard for any friend to watch when we know where it is leading. That was what he describes the church to be for. A place of building up and setting right.  Loving tangibly though hard life. Sadly we sin a lot and it gets in the way of Love. That is not His plan. By His Grace though he makes a lot of good out of the messes we get ourselves into and for that I have been thankful many times.

Moral of this story, I know the kingdom of heaven is real. I have it here in my heart!

To Be Or Not To Be

A letter from a dear friend.

I've been reading the bible and I thought I would ask your interpritation of this passage: Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.

This verse had once bothered me a bit, but I do have a sense of what it is saying. The first thing to realize in this scripture is that it is a bad translation. The word hate is not a good translation. A better way to translate would be love less. Which I believe is closer to the Greek meaning of the word.


The title of verses 25-33 is "The Cost of Discipleship." I think taking the whole passage gives it a better meaning as well. What Christ is saying here is that He has to be all. We should look at our lives and what we value most, because he wants us to give it all up for the sake of the call that He has for our lives. Even to the point of dying for Him. Do not forget that He would never ask us to do anything that He has not endured. He sympathizes with all our weaknesses. He is calling for an all or nothing approach to following him, and in doing so at one time or another every relationship we have will be effected by our whole-heart response to His call.

I can see in my own life, after walking through hardships that have left me on the outside of relationships, because of my faith, what he means. He wants us to keep our mind's eye focused on Him. Whoever we love the most...that is who we care about their opinions the most. He wants our focus, so that when others are leading us down a road that is insecure or they are wanting us to get into situations that are not the best, we will look to Christ who understands our deep unmet needs and find the love and strength, that only he can truly offer. We will then follow him into the relationships we wouldn't dare or to the hungry and sick that we wound't have the stomach for. We can then have victory in this world of much defeat. I have done both, and I would not have begged you to read the word and turn to our most Gracious Heavenly Father, if I have not felt his healing, overflowing love spilling on me time and time again in my darkest times. I can't think of a better way to live than completely sold out for my relationship with Him.

No Loanshark

Fill up to pour out. I am feeling poured out too fast. The pouring seems to be coming quicker than the filling. I feel down deep the emptying of this vessel and I grimace. Making the habit of asking daily for Christ himself, our Bread, to fill us. He is the only true bread. The only way. Every day before it even comes to an end, depletion stares me straight in the face. It says "You are running out, running dry."  Of time, of patience, of love.

I focus hard. The Word comes to mind. The hymn fills my thoughts and like a wave crashing on the sand I feel the shift. It's grace.

Oh the rescuer of my soul. The only true compass that holds me steady on the course. The storms cause damage. They do. They sure rock this ship. All those aboard cry out for direction and hope and I look to the the captain and he holds us all steady. Blessed assurance. Jesus belongs to me. I am His. He is mine.


Another wreck diverted. I am so thankful to Him. The keeper of my soul. The Lender of my days.

Wet Grace

Why is it that some days the raw pain takes ransom the feelings of the deep deep love of Jesus? I can see why Mary poured out the perfume, expensive and pure. She could't help but pour silent thanks on the feet of the One who rescued her. From her-self.

I am thankful for today. Twinkling rain, babies forehead's touching mine, warm muffins rising, children laughing uncontrollably, fresh linens on beds....so much grace all around.

 Then I feel the war wrestling in my heart. Of if I had an angel that I could just have at it with! What a release of frustration that must have been for Jacob! In spite of the pain....

I am not giving in. I shout out on the road up the hill. Into the icy rain and darkened sky, "I serve the LORD, God Almighty, the One Who Is and Is Yet To Come! The Great I AM. I will not fear the storm. I know you. My Helper, my strength, will not delay! Steady my Heart!"

It comes. The heaviness settles down. I know He is with me. The release has not come yet. I am buildings walls. I am fortifying the city of my family. I am repairing the breaches. I am fasting, and praying, and fighting with weapons that are not of flesh and blood.

Your faith is only as good as what you put it in. 

My Faith is Strong in Him. He is Truth. He is the Protector and Provider. His love never fails. His Love makes a way where there seems to be none. His peace passes all understanding, His faithfulness stretches to the sky. His Love will endure forever!

He brought me through before. My God will bring me though again.

I am thankful for His grace.