The Promenade

⁶"Is not this the fast that I choose:
    to loose the bonds of wickedness,
   to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
   and to break every yoke?
⁷Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
   and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
    and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
⁸ Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
    the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
⁹Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
   you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am.'
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
    the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
¹⁰ if you pour yourself out for the hungry
   and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
   and your gloom be as the noonday.
¹¹And the LORD will guide you continually
   and satisfy your desire in scorched places
   and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
   like a spring of water,
   whose waters do not fail.
¹² And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
   you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
   the restorer of streets to dwell in.
Isaiah 58 6-12

My self is not bent towards God's Ways. I want things to go my own way. Wonder why I am not happy? fulfilled?  walking in love? and faithfulness.... It's not going to happen according to my agenda. This here is the Lord's idea of life lived. This life I long to live must be lived His way.  The peace. The healing. It is there. That feeling I long for. My Creator's way. If I am going to find all that fills, I must go to the well. I must drink deep of a life called. Reach outside me. Hushing selfish desires and endless consuming passions. I look to love. Will I touch another with the same loving kindness I long for? I smile. He is here. He knows my heart. He wants to use me. He is such a lover. He loves me. He woos me to His goodness with His kindness. With red sky tonight. I look in awe. The evergreen in porch pots. I inhale the scent and savor. The cherub's grin. I Thank God and snuggle her neck. I find blessing in giving blessing. I am thankfulness. I become it.

Guiding Hand

The Father is working His good work. Today I see the fruit of Faithfulness. Not that I have done different, but I have focused on His faithfulness. In return I see my own faithfulness giving way like tsunami wave. Crashing down. Destroying pride, anger, and frustrations of daily rejection and misunderstanding. It is beautiful. In that strange way that natural disaster is awesome in power yet leaves devastation in it's wake. There is destroying. It is as deep and as mighty as the ocean. myself. It is being crucified. It is wonderful.
I am hurt, I love. I am rejected, I give. I am called upon, I serve. I am isolated, I pray. These lessons that I am learning I believe are not for a time. In younger year I would study and take the exam and forget. Not these lessons. They are written on the frame of myself. They erase old experiences that taught me wrong. On scratch markings and scars there are words beyond what I could write today. (Ps. 100:5, Rom 8:37, 2 Thes 2:16, and Rv 1:5) He is jealous God. He desires you and I to trust Him. I learned young that people could not be trusted. They desert you, reject you, use you, and laugh at you until  you are wounded and raw. The Father's desire is not to leave one of his precious creation lacking anything. (ps 34:10) He has the awesome power of turning all things for good! It is His will that we walk a road that makes us more and more like Emmanuel. God is with us. How beautiful is that? That He would allow things to happen. Hard things to happen. And in the end I become more like him.
This is what I am seeing. The more I trust Father's faithfulness to work it's good in me, (Rom 8:28) the more I am free in myself to love and live! Here and now in every trial.I can see his blessings in this mist. My life. Yes, there is pain, frustration, unanswered wondering, but I am not alone. He is here and I trust his guiding hand. (ps 139:10)

Two Pilgrims Apart

Togetherness. Some would bend to pity upon knowing.We gathered today as lovers and their children. A soft sadness of missing extended family and friends. Then I see with my living goggles. Freckled, smiling girl at sink washing delicate heirloom dishes. Man In Waiting laughing with dish towel in hand. Peaked Boy curled up on the couch nearby. Sunshine Daughter skipping around the circle of our gathering spaces. Wee one is asleep in the sunshine for his afternoon nap as we prepare  for our Thanksgiving feast. Husband Lover has come home and is carving the large turkey that was to be provisions for the twenty-five people we hoped to have over before time stood still.
Sickness has become our blessing today. It has created for us a vacation from the going and coming that a holiday can bring. I have found such joy and togetherness here with these gifts. Grace fills our home with expectancy as everyone is actively awaiting our time around the table. The lists are hung. Each one full of twenty blessings and the smell is enough to drive our hungry appetites mad. The table is set. The baby awakes. The laughter starts. We snap pictures, we laugh, we toast many blessing and drink down sparkling grape juice.
I look over and Peaked Boy sits holding an antique glass with a great-sailed ship on the side. Is that You, Father? The first Thanksgiving Day would not have happened without a ship. Ship full of pilgrims. Here I am blogging my own sacred pilgrimage. And this Thanksgiving Day, the one I have prepared in my heart for. Weeks and weeks seeking things that show me a bit more of who You are. And here I am now. In the upper room. Breaking bread. Praying.
I feel tears. A thankfulness comes over me I have yet to know. I am filled with the spirit. I understand Jesus pain more. I am in the Upper Room. Jesus is here. There is a union among us. The familiarity is thick, yet I am sensing a new thing. Did Jesus use the upper room to foretell many things? I call out blessings to my children. I speak of the richness they bring. We dream of future feasting together. I have never been so thankful. The Father's grace fills my day once again. Here in our home where plans were canceled. I am thankfulness. The Father knows better. I trust Him and find joy. He makes life out of this mist.
 Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"-yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring, What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought  to say, "If the Lord wills, we will do this or that."James 4:13-15

Strong Wait

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. (Isaiah 40:31)Bread rises as we wait for the smell, done baking. I wait for husband-father to come home. I wait for cherubs loud feet to bring them to the table upon dinner ready. I wait for Father to reveal another something that I miss if I wait not. And I see! That is the purpose of the waiting. It brings the living. You receive what you wait for. The best this life has to offer can come with the longest waits. The waiting brings empowerment to receive.Father has all good things. We walk in them. We walk in the waiting. We live. Rise, feed, school, hug, hurt,love, cry, all encompassing living in waiting. A never done walk of life giving and taking. As I wait I will chose expectancy. The kind of waiting when life will be brought forth from your womb. The waiting that brings new seasons of the heart and the earth. The waiting that says life does not begin when things come. The kind of waiting that purposes life lived now. Truly living, loving, feeling, seeing, hearing, knowing. I am thankful. I wait on the Lord. His strength fills me. I am satisfied in Him.

Holy Sense

Today again I am challenged with my appreciation of seven senses. The first five: tasting, seeing, hearing, touching, smelling.  I also give thanks for the Spirit who gives a knowing and direction beyond these five. For mother sense. Mother sense knows the baby is awake before she does, and mother sense alerts my child is hurt, but they are out of five sense reach.
All in all I am amazed by the gift that these are. Our senses are the starting place. The pivotal need for any pleasure to take place. If the Lord had not given us such blessing there would be no desire of the infant to suckle the breast for nourishment or in the late stages to find peace. We would live in a pot, void, empty.
These musings came tonight upon completeing a short biography of the life of Helen Keller to my children. I enjoyed the children's minds turning. I could see looks on cherub faces as the story unfolded.
I unfolded in the sacrifice of Teacher Annie Sullivan. My, how we underrate the work that no one sees. It was Annie's faithfulness who unlocked Helen from darkness, bitterness, and anger. From a prison called loneliness, misunderstanding. How often Father calls me to be Teacher and I underestimate my duty and my impact. We have all heard, "Enjoy these years they go by too fast." I am afraid they are truth. That surrendering to the things that Father chooses often happens late. We look back and see the joy and sweet fellowship we allowed to pass by. "Holy God, come fresh into our lives. Show us the things we are seeing not, feeling not, tasting not, smelling not, hearing not. Show us the people and purposes we are overlooking."
Helen overcame darkness, isolation, and discouragement. She drove on with intention and will. Teacher leading her daily. Teacher acting as her language bridge. Be it so. Make me a bridge. I set my self to bend to needs and make connection between small child and vast world. I extend myself over scripture to instruct living. I seek holiness to emulate it for senses following. I am Thankfulness for this lifetime of prunning taking place. Being made plentiful for Your glory. I pray my children will be strong healthy olive shoots around our table.
(Psalm 128)

"The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched.

They must be felt with the heart."

-Helen Keller

Sustaining Stamina

The thought can completely overtake me. Every night I fall into my most luxurious, white, down topped bed. I proceed to the unconscious for approx 4-8 hours. I suddenly awake. Return to knowing and start my day of sewing and reaping.  The part that really tickles me is that everyday my body works. My blood flows, my eyes focus, my legs carry, my arms hold, my senses take in, and on and on, day after day. Who needs a miracle? Who needs a sign? We all know that our flesh is not who we are. We don't pick it and there is a large a bulk of our flesh that most of us would trade right in! My how different we would be if the Creator would have given us a little conference on the matter...I would have spoke up! A little less of this a little bit more of that. But today...reviewing my innermost parts on the screen of ultrasound machine stirred me. So much is going on in me all the time. Conscious or not. Mind would surge and billow if it had to consciously run itself. Can you imagine? Training your heart to pump like you train to ride a bike? No time for blogging.
Then I found His Goodness again. It surprised me once more. He wanted us to have time. He has given us all the time we need to enjoy the expanse of this world he has given us. He could of kept us so assiduously focused running our own flesh that relationship and enjoyment would have been out of the question. Hubots instead of humans.
He chooses relationship. I speculate that this time is to be taken up by relationships. He provides a moment by moment miracle. A breath by breath miracle and we are able to enjoy. (Matthew 6:26) Only man sews and reaps in this world. The Lord takes care of us all. How he longs to meet us where our needs are. Just as he provides for every creature in this great globe, He provides for us. In doing so we can then take glory time. Time to converge with Our Father and the work He is doing to reveal himself to the world He loves. Oh how He loves us. Thankfulness fills me. Who and I that He would call my name. mmmm....that's a Good, Miracle Giving God.

Reciprocity

She who is forgiven much loves much.(Luke 7:47) I know that to be true in the openness I find in my dear friend. When the darkness rolls and the storm in my mind rages on. When I plead for peace and can't seem to escape from the turmoil in me. There my friend is. With a compassion and a prayer that transcend frustrations welt up. Where the freedom to feel flows in and stillness in raging is found.
I pour myself out like cider turned. Sweet to the first sip, but leaving that frothy sour after taste. Then it is there. The tender eyes, the half grin. The look that says you will make it through. Then the miracle comes. I believe. I know tomorrow will be a better day. I can see that God is good and he is making all things new. His mercy is new again today. My perspective changes and I can again set my feet on the solid ground. My faith again is restored to sure and steady. I am Thankful for friend. I will love more.

Living Peace

Peace be still. Peace is still.(Mark 4:39) The Son came and calmed the storm. Oh how good and pleasant these days are where He slows our pace with his loving kindness. Moments where I allow Him to draw me to a slower pace. Peace is in not in a hurry, it is not rushed. It takes the time to keep things important, to share, to enjoy. Peace allows time to breath, to reflect. To allow both the good and the bad the space in life that brings living to the fullest. This slow moving day. Where children's smiles, apples slices cut, toys shared, loved one held, makes the highlights. Where we travel the floors of our home. We take pauses around the peninsula  where food and laughter are shared. Where the sandwiches are eaten a little slower and the smiles held a little longer. Where we can bake something sweet and enjoy it at every stage. Mixing up togetherness, baking sweetness, and sharing tenderly the morsels of goodness. Then with the tasting. Life is good this day. Melted chocolate oatmeal peace and kindness and goodness. Here there is Thankfulness.

Open Palm

What a day! I felt it today. The Father's Hands guiding me. You know when one of your children, especially the smaller ones, fall back away from your reach. You are walking ahead as to keep them moving, but you don't want to stop becuase you know if a wee child stops it takes time to get them to go again? You reach back with your outstretched had and you wiggle your fingers and entice them with your open palm and a twinkle in your eye. Most time I find myself doing a little hurry up dance. The children usually do pick up the pace with a silly little grin at parent the playmate. In that moment joy is shared.
Today it was this dance with me and my Great Father. We shared out of pantry, we shared out of our home, and we shared out of our hearts. All the while He was leading me with his loving kindness, his outstretched hand. I keep going over and over in my mind how it is His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 4:2) Oh, what a safe place it is to live in the Father's leading. To grow and breath and learn in the shelter of His Love. Like a child who follows along the path of a parent who desires their best. He has prepared many good works that we may walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)
We pour out so that He can pour in. (Isaiah 58:6-11) I learned to trust more Him today. Giving a bit more. Allowing the All-Knowing, All-Seeing to lead me to go beyond myself. To take a few more steps ahead that I would not have taken otherwise To allow those tender, nail scared hands to draw me ahead. To receive a blessing I never would have know. He is Love, He is Grace, and I become Thankfulness.

Warmth and Chill

This morning I wake up to that pleasant light I found yesterday.
It is at the the most dis-tractable moments when I find these thankfulness-es. I was bending over to put something in the trash and I felt the heat radiating. I said to my child Grins A Lot that the heat from there feels so good. He has the great idea to climb under the nearby settee that I bring in off the porch for the winter and it becomes a meeting place in the kitchen. Under there Grins A Lot acknowledges,"It's warm under here."
As Many Hugs and Justice Keeper file out the door to the coming more orange than yellow children carrier, I set on the frosted deck steps. It's nippy on my toes. I actually smile! It's there in the cold. I am thankful for the chilly fall air.
This is new. Being thankfulness for the warm and the chill. Oh Father, you are here. Teaching me these things. I am blessed I feel full and I feel loved.

Light

It's here. I was starting to doubt it. To be honest with myself, for these last days I thought maybe it wasn't in me. Today I saw it. With sunlight streaming in the big windows it was the faintest glimpse that I almost missed. Something about the light. There was a lamp next to the bed with books and the light...anyway I noticed that it looked good and in my heart's mind I actually said. Thanks. Then in a blink it was gone. I almost missed it. but something in me said WAIT! It is here...and it was Thankfulness!
Tonight again in the bathroom as I approached Mr J, I saw in the dew shaded dampness of the window, the moon. It streamed in as the water on the glass spread the light apart....It was beautiful and I was thankful. I am starting to like this. I am waiting expectantly to how the Creator opens my mind's eye tomorrow to His redeemed world. I am certainly liking this randveu that He is taking me on. Beyond myself, yet I get to enjoy those I love with a new flare.
I have Thankfulness for light!

Please Thankfulness

I am desiring for Thankfulness to become a new way of life for me. I am not "there" yet by any means. The voice can be heard in my brain though. Isn't that the first step. Setting your mind on the good thing? Thankfulness. Why isn't that in these constant need-filling days I have such a hard time seeing clearly. Not so much with the clearness of vision, but the clearness of heart. to see Thankfulness. To speak Thankfulness. Yes, this seems right and good. I hear the whisper and I want it. Thankfulness. Oh sure... a million complaints come too, but I must focus my mind on what is good. I must Be Thankfulness.

Before

Like any small town country girl it is only fitting that I begin our conversation with the weather. This year has been rough! After giving birth to our fifth child this past September, this winter has been just plain mean. Since Christmas we have had a beautiful Winter wonderland, but now it has turned a bit. My four year old daughter braved the cold yesterday afternoon. After being just too heavy to walk across the top of the snow, the poor dear sunk. Try to keep her balance she hoisted her boot out of the snow to find her cold, snow covered tootsies. Her older brother came to her rescue and carried her to the door before any damage was done to bare, precious little piggies. I pray that she always has a protector come to her aid in times of barren frostiness...Life can be hard sometimes.

Today we were able to have lunch at Mulhiesen's Restaurant. It is a older restaurant-bar establishment in the neighboring town. It was a nice lunch. of course it was. I didn't cook it. As much as I like to cook, food often tastes better when I don't have to be the one washing the dishes. The children enjoy going out to dinner. Brea who is four year old reminded me tonight before bed that she was a very good girl at the restaurant today. I agreed.

Sunday here is very predictable. We help with a student chapel that begins at 11am. Today was a bit tricky because Aaron (my husband) plows snow and wasn't able to be here. He just met us at chapel. I did fix up a roast with the works in case we were to have anyone over, but Aaron's mom sensed that I needed to get out of the house. I was thankful. And dinner is ready for tomorrow. Bonus!!