Before Me

Paul writes in Galatians, "But when He who had set me apart before I was born , and who called me by His grace..."

Can you imagine the joy between the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit? Before the foundations of the world... knowing that throughout all of history the moment would come when Paul, (who left to his own devices wreaks havoc on the young church)  does a complete turn around and becomes God's greatest missionary. He didn't just translate God's word, He dictated it!!!

I have been thinking lately about the party in Heaven that the scriptures speak of. that when anyone gives there life to Christ there is a celebration in heaven. I believe it all begins with the Father.

A friend told me once that she believed that it was very difficult for God to not rescue us from our troubles. He restrains Himself so that the "work can have it's prefect way in us." He knows the greater good comes from allowing us to find Him in it. If He spoke a word into our situations and everything was great, we would probably forget about him. That would be devastating.

He love is so grand. He is perfectly patient with us. Waiting for that time when He is able to unfold those purposes that He has established us for.

Thank goodness we don't have the business to know what the future holds.

BUT....

We have the incredible blessing of knowing intimately, the One who holds our future.

Done Hungry

How is it that so much can be done in one day, so much experienced, so many loved, so much food prepared, and so many lessons taught, and yet there is such a lack of satisfaction felt? How the things I do are so seemingly meaningful and seem to be such important things to do, yet as each one is accomplished the joy is not replenished and my tender, weak soul feels the lack. Just as my spider-plant's leaves shrivel when my lack of attention leaves its roots dry, I feel my soul roots starving for water.

Living Water.

I used to think it was a daily duty. Like making dinner and brushing my teeth. A check off chore that would keep my mind, soul, and body able to see the day through without catastrophe.
Then I learned...

I learned by running. It started fast walking, and then...then I got hungry to run. So now I run...then I get hungry. Really hungry. The more I run the hungrier I get.

I am finding it's like that running with Jesus. When we work hard our appetites increase. When we worship hard, our roots get stronger and spread farther and I need to feed more often to nourish them. I drink The Living Water and I chew on The Daily Bread. That is where the satisfaction comes.

I was too busy these last few days. Focused on this and that. All good things, but not the most important One. Now my soul is weary, but I have sat at the Father's feet for a couple of hours and feel refreshed. Tired in the flesh, but renewed in my spirit!

I encourage you today to rest in God's Word. Set the thoughts of time aside and focus on Jesus, The Gospel, and his tender-loving care for you. Praise Him for bringing our lack of focus on Him to our attention and ask Him to fill us with the ability to see how often we do need him.

Jesus alone can satisfy. Nothing else will do. Some days all  I really need... is more of Him.

Illuminating Chord

O Lord, I hang on You; I see, I believe, live,
When Your will not mine, is done;
I can plead nothing in myself
in regard of any worthiness and grace,
in regard of thy providence and promises,
but only Your good pleasure.
-Pilgrim's Prayer

I hang on. I hang on.

All the snow is melted and the fresh white has turned a, dingy, grungy, dirty mess. I peer out the window over the sloppy remains of the prisoner's last night's feeding. What I see outside is the debris left behind from winter taking a pause. Wet dampness shows the muddy marks on the ground where the children's play has pressed it down. The trees stand tall, unmoved. They look cold and damp, standing on through the weather.

I feel cold and damp rising up in me.

Faithfully the Father is healing my hard, cold heart. The warmth has come in me. The light has been breaking forth in my heart steadily. The chilly, damp thoughts rise up, but they are old friends I have turned from some time ago. Those aren't the companions I need, to love the people in my life today.

I grab hold of Love. I take the chords of light illuminating in the midst of dreary, dampness and wrap my mind and fingers together in a cry of, "Be with me. Help me to hold on to You, Father."

I close my eyes and feel the warmth flooding me. Oh how thankful I am that Love came down. That He rescued me from darkness and brought me into His glorious light. My first need is Jesus.

He conquered darkness for me. For you. Let Him have your dampness today, so that He can cover you with the warm fresh blanket of His unfailing love.

Affectionate Hold

My heart has wandered in the dessert. 

Hungry and thirsty. Alone in the wasteland with cracked lips and dry eyes.

Wandering and wandering, looking to be satisfied by my own hand.

He came and led me, straight out. 

My heart has sat in the darkness of prison.

On the cold floor in the dark shadows. Irons holding me down in the dust.

Working hard, stumbling hard, to prove my own way.

He came and led me, chain free into the light.

My heart has been a crazy fool, partying it up on the street.

Starving to look good. Taking the pain for beauty sake.

Left alone to waste in my choices.

He came and led me, with daily bread and a stripped back.

My heart has sailed away to success and fame.

Climbing the ladders, receiving high praises. Feeling the thrill of something from nothing.

It crashed hard, No resources were left. Here today, gone tomorrow.

He came and led me, balanced  into the desired place.

Through it all Love is steady...even when I let go... Love, failed me not. 

"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and He delivered them out of their distress."

Psalm 107: 6,13, 19, and 28

"Let them thank the LORD for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man."

Psalm 107:8,15,21, and 31

Where is my heart today I must ask...

I will cry...

He will deliver...

I will give thanks...

His steadfast love fails me not.

Believe and Know

It is not enough to just believe in God.

I must know Him.

So much pain is all around. I have friends swelling with the uncomfortable blessings of child bearing, I have women in my circles with children needing restraint and education, I have sick family members, churches with bills to be paid, Christmas lists left unchecked because of the lack of resources, depressed loved ones, there are children dying, marriages suffering, older people are left alone for days, teenagers confused, and the eyes I see in the grocery are angry and hurting.

But a "God bless you!"
It stirs people. Even the Word says that He puts a longing for himself in the hearts of man.
Many have worked SO hard to rid our institutions, our communities, our homes, and our minds of God, but, let's be real...It has been work. It is so easy to prove God, but to disprove Him. That is work.

My child asked today how our bodies makes blood.
We talk about our heart pumping blood, but we don't think too much about our body producing it. And then to cover the topic of being formed in your mother's womb and having a blood type different from your mother... What a beautiful miracle.

He is so real.

I hope if you read this you will hear me. Don't let yourself for a moment lose out on the freedom in this life by just believing that God is real.
Commit to knowing Him.

"God is not a belief by which you give your assent. God becomes a reality whom you know intimatly, meet everyday, one whose strength is your strength, whose love, your love. Live this life in the presence of God long enough and when someone asks, 'Do you believe in God?' you may find yourself answering, 'No, I do not believe there is a God, I know there is a God.'"
-Earnest Boyer, Jr.

Who Me?

Me.

A simple word.

A whole identity is behind that word. A real person. With thoughts, emotions, dreams, relationships, wounds, history, looks, clothes...

m e      .
That is how I would describe it. This frustration with a fragmented self. Desiring greatly to combine the letters and that dot at the end that brings forth the end  cap of security. But the truth is....I just don't feel it. I struggle with putting it all together in the light of Christ.

There are parts of me that I just don't want exposed. What stays in the dark does tend to get bigger there, but I don't think I want to face the pain of revealing it.

Like when I crawl out of the tunnel after looking for crayfish and the sun blinds my eyes. It is painful and I have to shield myself from the light. My eyes need time to adjust to the sun.

My heart needs time to adjust too. It is hard to face the different parts of our selves but true healing is when all the body, mind, soul, and strength come together in unity to worship in Spirit and in truth.
So I let the light shine in.
I invite the light to have it's way of exposing.
I trust the Light Himself. He is a shield about me.

Then the bliss comes. Sharing that fire tried gold with others. That precious sweet smellingness that perfumes of one centered and secure in the only One who can. I can now be a light that shines in dark places. Extending Grace. Extending Light.

That is
me.

Straining To Trust

So I fix my eyes on Christ. The Author and Perfecter of my faith.

This is how we make it through these hard days. We mentally take the yoke off and hang it right up on the cross. We toss it up high and allow the ring to catch on the end sticking west. We take the heavy burden of getting it all right and we lob it up onto the finished place. He who began a good work in me. Not me who began a good work in me...

I love that about the cross. I think of the wood protruding east and west. Reminding us that our sins are removed as far as the east is from the west. I am sick of carrying these sins all around. I feel them all up in me. I carry the yoke of the past around my neck and I pant under the weight and strain. I feel my neck and shoulders and back all tight. My breath doesn't come sometimes and I wonder when the work will be completed in me. I am ready to reveal a mature soul seasoned for the Father's use, but I am still in the fire and it is His timing when the work will be completed. I am not the Author of this faith.

I know He will make beauty from these ashes, because He said so. I know that I can reason to feel His love and compassion toward me, even if I don't. I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it. And I know that what man intends for evil God intends for good. My heart doesn't seem to want to pay attention to those truths, though. I am thankful that the Author is working on that. He knows. He sees. I learn to trust.

Can Do

Echo of words...

"She has done what she could" Mark 14:8a

Some days we do our best, and some days we don't. Life is a juggle of a struggle to keep these days persevering in the direction of Christ's work that is being completed in us. Through what seems affliction and trial lately, I felt this whisper.

"My child, you are doing just fine. My love for you is great. Continue to walk in the shadow of My wing, and I will continue to show you a better way. I see you are doing what you can do."

I trembles at this.
The awesome Creator of the universe, My Heavenly Father, takes time to show me this love?
I am such a messed up, shamed up, too late, and a dollar short kind of woman, and He still whispers these sweet kindnesses to me?

I have been overwhelmed lately with Our Father's ability to orchestrate trials in the lives of individuals that criss-cross and bend to create lessons for everyone of us.

The scripture states He draws us with His loving kindness. I think I can see that. Allowing suffering and frustration to repeat itself in our lives again and again, until we can trust-fall back into His capable, strong Hands. My Father says He will hold me with His right hand. I want to be held. I need to feel the soul hold.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And when I wake to a new day
I pray I do what I may
To please the Father and the Son
To worship the Spirit three in One.

One Story

I am tearing down the walls that defensive mechanisms have made.
I trust in Christ to protect me and to bring justice.
I will no longer respond with damaging emotions knowing that Christ loves me, He have himself as a sacrifice for my damaged self and he will never abandon or reject me.

He is my Shepard and He will guide me.

I follow whole heartily.

I forgive every time.
I love every time.
I will raise my eyebrows with joy in the face of rejection or criticism knowing that Christ will use it for His glory when I do life His way.
I am no longer responsible for defending myself.
I trust Jesus Christ alone for my defense.


Matthew 6:32-34
For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I am not living to tell my story.

I am living to tell God's story.

For Now

Quiet is good.
Stillness is good.
Shutting down.
Turning off.
Being still.

Listening intently.
Boldly surveying.
Jesus is near.
His wisdom is here.

Balanced Me

A balanced life is a good life.

There is something in the life of many of us believers that I think can be learned through this practice of mind, body, and soul discipline. Balance.

There are many seasons of life.
Seasons of seasons....
For each of these we learn, change, and grow. My Most Gracious Heavenly Father is teaching me in this season to be balanced.

Balanced? A word that does not tickle my ears through conversation and study, but this word resonates in my soul, in the places of my mind that desire wholeness.

As I stand strong like a warrior I turn my palms up and I ask the Father to fill me with the weapons of self-control and forbearing that are needed to fight off the evil seeking to devour my whole family.
As I bend down with my forehead to the ground. I lay myself at the feet of Jesus to who I am a helpless child who needs guidance, direction, and love.
At last I lay face down, nose to the mat. I am spent and relieved, and I realize I am in the best place of all. Prostrate before the King on the throne. I get down lowest and life Him up highest.

Jesus walked our planet the most prefect person. The most balanced in the flesh. A time to laugh a time to morn. A time to dance and a time to be still. A time for miracles and a time to walk away. A time to embrace, and a time to turn tables. A time to give in and a time to give up. A time to live and a time to die. A time to give up to flesh, and a time to conquer over it.

Thank you Jesus for your gifts of  love to me. Thank you for your perfect model of what to do and who to be. I pray you would continue to make-over my heart, mind, soul, and body so that more and more I will act, sound, and be like you. Thank you for Your gift of salvation to me.

Strong Story

I am not living to tell my story
I am living to tell Jesus's story.

Being on this healing journey of life with Christ certainly has it's up and downs for us all, doesn't it? Just when I think I know myself and my weaknesses, my Great Shepard reigns me in and reveals truth. He is so kind and gentle, and yet my resistance makes it pretty messy.

I have come to realize that my defenses are the enemy's toeholds.

The emotions that well up and the responses that boil at the surface, they wait to betray myself and the ones I love. Often it is these past puss pockets left unchecked in our hearts, that leave the biggest stink on our testimony to the ones we love. How many times when I sense rejection or criticism, I pull up my weaponry of anger, justice, and unforgiveness? I ready myself for a battle when there is not one to be had.

Where simple honesty and understanding in a five minute conversation would go a long way, my mind reals out of control too long, because I do not choose to trust the One who is in control.

So today I end these responses, through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I serve the Ultimate Stronghold. He is My Provider and My Shield about me. He is using the fabric of my life to weave His story for all to see. He is The Sovereign One who has created me and has far more invested than what I am worth. To put myself in His trust for whatever may come and whatever I may face, is a good thing. It is the logical thing.

Not only can I trust Him with myself, I can trust Him with my husband, and with my children.
I will trust Him too.

I will trust and let the grace of Christ's blood shed for me wash over my sin and stain. I will let it wash me clean from the filth and stench of what this world has offered me thus far. I will walk on from here, clothing myself with quiet strength, grace, and truth. I will have no fear for God is with me. My great Shepard, My heavenly Father, He is leading, protecting, and Guiding me home.

He who the Son sets free is free indeed!

Fear Removed

Did you know you are One breath away from victory? I am going to share with you a secret about me that I have found rather embarrassing, considering I am married to a strong man who spends his days up in the air as far as 120 feet!

I am was deathly afraid of heights.

I almost left out the word was, but I cannot tell a lie. So...I will tell you the truth!

A few days ago my strong leader and our 4 older charges had the excitement of attending the county fair without the stroller to attend. (Thanks Grandma!!)  Our amazing Man In Charge, is aka Ride Guy. So off we went with me looking forward to the stand and wave post outside the fenced in areas.

Happy Heart who is 5 came running back to me with her chin tucked, feeling rejected that she missed the mark. Man in Charge smiled at me feeling bad for her and encouraged me to take her on something else.

I got down at face level to her and asked if there was another ride that she would like to ride. Her eyebrows raised and she grabbed my hand. Then....she pointed to the Ferris wheel!

To give you a little heads up, my fear was so great, that at high heights I felt the urge to jump off or out. At the age of seven, My father hog tied me with his arms while I was carried off of the water slide in the Adirondacks because him and I both new I was ready to jump rather than continue to be so high.

As we got our seats Happy Heart and I chatting about how Jesus is with us wherever we are. Up high or down low. Then as it started to ride, I started to panic and shake. My little dear chattered away about things while I was working through every possible means of getting that guys attention so I could get off! Then I looked ahead.

Where does my help come from? From the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth. I cried out in my heart, "Jesus my lover, My friend, please come near to me and remove this fear. You are with me in the sky as much as you are with me on the ground." His presence filled me immediately and the shaking stopped! The best part...it was so beautiful to be up so high. We could see parts of the valley. We would come near to the people and then draw away to the heavens, again and again.

Oh how I laughed with my sweet trusting girl at my side!  I am so thankful that Jesus comes skipping and leaping over life's jagged edges. Never letting a foot slip or stumble. My Great Shepard guiding and seeking, loving and caring.

All for His Glory!

Vent Not

I have come to a conclusion that has changed my daily life and I cannot wait to share. I learned this some tome ago, but was giving the truth some time to prove itself before I shouted it from the mountain tops. I am completely impressed the with peace that it has brought to my life and the calmness that is maintained in my heart because of it.

Venting is for fools.

It may surprise you. This boldness and this thought that is contrary to all schools of psychology being taught in every level of our American institutions. We should not be spilling our everyday, issue packed cans of frustration beans.

There is a time for sharing. When feelings get out of control, perspective is good. When things in life aren't moving forward, that is what the church body is for. I am more focusing toward the negative everyday things that pop up, and we face them with either a cup half empty or a cup half full attitude. And let us see that the half full mentality is much more Christ like. Do not the scriptures ring loudly that with God all things are possible? There is no excuse with heaven so near to get discouraged. The reality is though, we do.

That is where our savior meets us once again, in that quiet place, down low. We let our vent flare out in the Savior's presence alone. Why is that the best way?

Jesus is not partial, He is not judgmental
Jesus doesn't take sides, He is the fairest of fair.
Jesus has perfect love, and He shares.

Jesus is the only perfect physician who can remove the lump in my throat, the pain in my chest, and the pit in my stomach. He relaxes my muscles and removes the heavy load and replaces it with His yoke that is easy and light.

So there it is. My time tested reality. Taste and see that He is good. And faithful!

"A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."  Proverbs 29:11

Working Grace

There is a time in our walk when the rubber meets the road.

All the prayer, all the teaching, all the studying, all the seeking....then that one call comes. The hardest thing that God could call me to do...and I do it.

Sometimes it is fun serving the Lord, sometimes the reward is greater than anything we could predict, but sometimes...

Sometimes we just do it. Through weariness, through sadness, through kindness, and most of all because of love.

We do it.

Then in a moment the Miracle happens. The burden is lifted. The freedom comes to live life that is not my way.

A life not led by my selfishness, by my needs, by my wants. Oh sweet freedom. Freedom to love. Freedom to serve.

Oh kneel me down again
Here at your feet
Show me how much you love humility
Oh spirit be the star
That leads me to
A humble heart of Love that I see in you.

Pending Debt

Jesus return is coming. What will I be found doing? I have not led any sheep to the Shepard this summer.

I have rejoiced in Christ victory over sin in my life, but I have not shared the message of hope with a lost soul.

I have enjoyed beautiful summer days and the creation of the one who sees my innermost ugliness and makes me new, but I have not seen the transformation of a heart turned to Christ for the first time.

We are in debt to those who have not heard. Who am I that He would call me out of this pit? Who am I that I keep it to myself not wanting to offend that pretty lady in the parking lot and that mom who already thinks I am too religious because I don't swear or let my kids play soccer during the hours of fellowship on Sundays?

Jesus paid it all and I won't even deposit my pride! 

Today is a new day.

A new time. Jesus is coming on the horizon. Time goes by so fast. Our kids grow up in the blink of an eye. I am like dust coming from it and returning to it.

Today is a new day.

Father make bold your children to bring life to the dry bones we encounter. Help us understand that hurting people hurt people. Give us eyes to see and ears to hear the needs and brokenness around us. Fill us with your Spirit that we will speak your truth and life in love to those around us who desperately need the message of your salvation today. All for the glory to The One who sits on the throne.

Bring a lost sheep into the fold through me today Lord.

Who is Like God?
No One

No Haste, No Waste

Rise.
Pray.
Wash.
Drink.
Feed.
Weed.
Feed.
Read.
Wash.
Feed.
Order.
Rest.

Over and over the days unfold. Work to be done. The period following the word only represents the change in the task at hand.

The life is in the spaces. The space after the letters. The long spaces after the words.

These are the spaces filled by relationships and experience. Don't be so ready to read the next word that you miss seeing what can be accomplished not by this task, but through the task. And the people around you? They are more important than even the reading.

Jesus understood these things. Haste makes waste. Never rushing and accomplishing much. 

Worship Free

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:2

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive and to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Freedom comes when the vessel is washed and clean. When the Holy Spirit can be poured in and poured out simultaneously. Not having to be held up by blemishes as selfish desires and prideful intentions.

One thought let rampant in the mind of the most devout believer can lead them to be shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean of life. Suffering from hypothermia with nothing to cling to save the life jacket of salvation that will never be taken from them.

I believe that the life of the believer is not lived within the confines of the day. It is lived in the confines of the moment. The thoughts, the words, and the actions all conforming together to make up a life.

This is not  hopeless thing friend. I write these words out of victory! This victory I am celebrating today. Nothing of my own doing, but Christ's working out his good, pleasing, and perfect will in me. That He is also working out in you this very moment!

In reading the book of Ezra, I see the hard labor these men poured out to restore the house of worship to their God. How much was given by all to rebuild. The cost was great. People around them continually tried to deter God's work from being done. therefor the people continued to succeed. We serve the same God today.

If you have given yourself completely over to God then he is working out His pleasing will in you. I am realizing that most of the pitfalls that I find myself miserably in, are part of the work that God is doing to to restore the temple of my life so that I will worship him in obedience, lacking in nothing that we need to please Him.

Just has he made a way in the time of Ezra for the people to have opportunity to worship and adore him, in spite of their waywardness and disobedience, through repentance and humility, He promises to restore that same foundation to us.

Praise the Name of the Lord!

Thanks For All

God is our Portion.

I think of the hungry children sitting around the table in the "The Christmas Carol". These children were hungry and waited expectantly to share in the most plentiful feast their young eyes had yet to see. Each one waiting their turn to say thank you for their portion.

I wonder is this is the concept that God is guarding us against when he gave the 10th commandments to not want what other people have. If it is true, and I believe that it is, that He purposefully put us in the lives we are in, surrounded by the people that we are, and given the tasks that we daily do, then of course God, in His Godliness, would be disappointed with our dissatisfaction.

The scriptures says the word thanks over 130 times. I think before sin there was a lot of if going on. Perhaps we are meant to be thank-full be-ings?

There are so many things in life that I should give thanks for. Things that I take for granted, and things I think I deserve. I deserve nothing.

Recently I found myself in a situation that had me down right broken. Now that the storm has passed, I see the devastation in it's wake. I am full of hope though. Rebuilding with the God given provisions is very exciting! I also see though, that I was not thankful for what I had before.

Sometimes it takes losing something before we realize how good it is.

And this is why God is the perfect One to portion.
He is the God who knows.
He is the God who sees.
And oh how He loves us!

Family Matters II

And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union?And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her,says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” Malachi 2:13-16

When did we become to lax on the things that God cares so deeply about? Us women, as a whole, especially in the Western hemipshere, have become out of control in our thinking. We must go back to the creation story and find the place we belong.

I see so many women. We are tired, coffeed up, and we are even taking medications to survive. We take stimulants in the morning, anti-depressents during the day, birthcontrol to control the fun and sleeping pills at night.

Could it be the result of our etreme thinking, of how important we are,is polluting our minds and corrupting our flesh. It is what goes in a man that corrupts him. It is not what comes out.

He makes all things new. He wants to restore your family. Give him yourself and turn to Him. He says if we turn He will forgive us our sins and heal our land.

I am so thankful for his mercies that are new everyday.

Join me, friend, as we bring up our children in a way that glorifies the father, becuase He loves the children.