I remember a conversation I had with my own mom shortly after I had my third child. We were talking about self-esteem and confidence. My mom assured me that our kids souls could not be too built up, the world will continually take more than we can possibly pour into them in just one day!
I then set out on a very determined journey. I wanted my girls to not just have positive thoughts about themselves, I wanted them to be positive. I knew that if they felt they were good, beautiful, healthy, and full of love, that they would give that too. We can’t give what we don’t have. That is where it all started to de-rail. I had to remake the image of myself in my own soul before I could shape the hearts and my minds of my own adorable shadows. Honestly I learned that our kids are just that, reflections. That old saying, “More is caught than taught” came screaming out at me, with every word and thought that the children would have toward themselves and others.
My parents, were great in this area. My dad called me, Sunshine. They praised my accomplishments, attended, and encouraged all my displays of talent, but somewhere I missed that I was beautiful and valuable. My mom gave me all she had, but she couldn’t give me that, because she didn’t have it.
When I met my husband, he thought I was beautiful. His words for me weren’t flippant and in expectation of getting something. He meant them, even when I rejected them, which I did for five years! Then one day while I was walking though the house after nursing the baby, with laundry on my hip, and hair in a messy bun. (Not the up-do you wear to the gym bun. This is the bun that is clinging to the sweat on your neck and so gnarled underneath that its going to take a shower to fix it, bun). Out of my peripheral, I caught a vision of myself in the large antique mirror, and I heard, “You are so beautiful.” I turned and looked deeply at myself. I am beautiful. I saw into a tunnel of 5 years of being told everyday I am beautiful. I saw it. For the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. And it wasn’t my skin, or make-up or hair, it was my soul.
From then I started teaching my daughters to feel beautiful. When they would come into the room, when I was changing, before I would say, “Mommy’s legs are so chubby.” Now I said, “Mommy’s legs are so strong.” Though the journey appreciating myself, I taught my girls to do the same. As they got older and became exposed to more relationships, I learned that they needed to hear more than just me saying these things. I intentionally reminded their dad to dote on them, pulled in grandmas’s and grandpa’s for uplifting words, called on aunts and uncles for time and affection, found high school and college girls all for the purpose of speaking beauty and character to their souls. There is still more to do, but it starts with a little bit everyday. Not one day should go by without our daughters (and other girls in our life) hearing that they are beautiful, they are worth our time, their smile is a gift, their laugh is music, their energy is a gift and more.
Moms, Dad’s, Caretakers, please hear me! This is our defense! When bad relationships come, when drugs get offered, when academics get hard, these voices will cry, “You’re beautiful, you’re capable, you’re better than this,” and wrong roads can be diverted. This is such an important part of readying our girl’s souls for the battles that will pursue in this life. So let’s be intentional. Let’s get proactive. Let’s make beauty of soul the foundation for our daughters life. Next time you see a girl smile, or be kind, simply smile and say, “That was kind, you are so beautiful.”
